Life lessons start early

*sigh* It has begun. I knew it would. It’s inevitable I think. It happens everyday and everywhere and to almost every child at one point or another. It’s still heartbreaking when it happens to your own child though and I never expected it to happen at such a young age.

Yes, even in Kindergarten the dreaded schoolyard bullying is already rearing its ugly head.

At first I was stunned – not sure what to say. My heart started breaking as I heard my twins each tell me the story of *Samantha* (not her real name), the resident kindergarten bully. I’m still not sure when it started or with which of my girls. Getting details like that from 5 year olds is like trying to get blood from a turnip. What I do know is that it’s happening. It’s not violent, thankfully… in fact, it’s not even to the level of name-calling. Yet. Where it’s at is Samantha is bossing my girls around. If they’re on the playground and one of them is on something that she wants on, she’ll tell them (loudly and and in a very mean voice according my girls) “GET OFF NOW!”. If one of them is in the bathroom and in the stall she wants she yells “GET OUT!”. Of course my girls do as she says. Why? Well, they said, they want her to stop yelling. They want her to stop being mean.

I know, I know, it all sounds pretty benign. But bossing others around can quickly escalate to more serious things. Besides, it’s hurting my girls’ feelings. That alone is enough to bring out the momma bear in me.

At first, I was ready to march into the school and confront little Samantha…show her what being mean is really all about if you get my drift. Then of course I realized that I’m an adult and, seeing as how she’s only 5, it might not be entirely appropriate. My second thought was that I’d go to the school and have a little talk with the teacher. How can she not see this happening? Why hasn’t it already been dealt with? My anger had started to shift from Samantha to their teacher. Parent-teacher conferences were still a few days away, so I planned on using that time to prepare. By the time my hubby got home, I had gone through my discussion with her about a hundred times in my head and was seeing red. He let me rant and rave for awhile, but finally he managed to calm me down a bit and point out that it might be in everyone’s best interest to teach the girls how to handle this themselves, at least as the initial course of action. Part of me disagreed entirely. We’re their parents! WE are the ones who need to step in and end this. Now. But somehow, someway, he got me past my anger and helped me to see things a bit more rationally. Yes, they were being bullied. Even if it’s only mild intimidation, it’s still bullying. But, as he pointed out, things could get much worse for them if we stick our noses in prematurely. And, even though I always want to be there for my girls, there are times I can’t be. They need to know how to deal with this on their own. This is one of those issues they will likely be confronted with again in the future and we need to prepare them for that. I hated to admit it, but he had some good points.

In the end, we decided to talk with the girls about standing their ground and not being afraid to stand up for themselves or each other. We discussed exact things to say and do. We role-played. We said and did things to try to boost their self-esteem so they could find the courage to tell Samantha no and to leave them alone. We also let them know that as long as they weren’t being the aggressors, they’d never, ever get in trouble at home for sticking up for themselves at school. After that we let them know that if things still weren’t getting resolved, they could always go to a teacher and of course, to us.

I think we gave them some good options. I think they’re better prepared the next time they are confronted with Samantha or with some other playground bully. I think they’ll be able to stand their ground now without being intimidated. At least I hope so. But if not, then Jeremy and I will be there to stand their ground with them and for them.

BTW ~ I’m still planning on talking to their teacher about this at parent-teacher conferences. But my attitude is much more calm now. I won’t be a raving lunatic and I’ll try my hardest not to come off as some whack-job parent who’s making a mountain out of a molehill. At the same time, I think she needs to know. If not to stop others from being bullied, then to think about potential issues Samantha may be facing at home that might be causing her to act out.

Money well spent

If you’re like most mothers I know, bras are a necessity, not an accessory. Sure, those matching bra and panty sets you see staring at you from the pages of the Victoria’s Secret catalogue are sexy. But sexy is not a priority when you’re a new mom. Getting a shower at least once a week - that’s a priority. So when my twins arrived and the nursing bras came into the house, the racy little 2 piece sets went out. They no longer fit my new, enhanced bosom anyway. In their place came sensible, ordinary, practical bras – bras for “real women”. Generally, mine come off the shelf from Wal-Mart. They’re cheap. They’re functional. They’re grab-n-go. Perfect for a busy mom who requires one-stop shopping. But best of all, I don’t have to deal with some bubbly, 20-something beauty with perky up-where-they-oughta-be C cup boobs telling me what bras will flatter my silhouette. There are no bras that flatter my particular silhouette. Victoria’s Secret is that she simply doesn’t cater to women who are - shall we say – well endowed. No matter though. I knew my size. I knew what felt good. And after 9 years of marriage, I couldn’t care less whether my bras looked good or not. Wal-Mart bras did the job just fine as far as I was concerned. Recently though, my friend Betsy was telling me about a shop she’d found that deals exclusively in bras for “hard-to-size” ladies. I’ve always been a bit busty - even more so since having kids - but I never considered myself to be abnormal by any means. Betsy is a different story. She’s exceptionally large busted. She ranks right up there with Dolly Parton in that department. But me? No way! Wal-Mart carried my size, so I figured I must be somewhat within the range of normal. Still, I was curious. I’d never had a professional bra fitting before. It could be interesting. After a bit of prodding from Betsy, I mustered up the courage and drove to the shop.


There were 2 associates in the store at the time. One teeny-tiny, cute, perky little cheerleader type that I wanted to throttle the moment I saw and an older, rather stout, dour looking German-governess type. I saw them sizing me up while I browsed and it wasn't long before Hitler's nanny approached me. It was obvious they had decided that the little one just didn't have the muscle required for this particular job. She shuffled me off to a dressing room for sizing and before I knew it, she was done. Despite my first impression, she was actually very nice. And very efficient. She marched off and a few minutes later, came back with several different styles and colors of bras. I told her I’d be looking mostly at white bras since I have several white shirts that are kinda thin. She then informed that you should never wear white with white. She had me try on a beige one and then put my t-shirt (which happened to be white) back on. I couldn’t believe it! You couldn’t see a thing! Am I the only one who didn't know that you should wear a beige bra with white shirts?? Why has no one ever told me this?? Anyway, I came out with 2 new bras. I was a lot lighter on cash when I left too. Big boobs are costly to maintain.

BTW ~ I won’t be able to get my bras at Wal-Mart anymore. I’m actually much larger than I thought. I nearly fell over when this lady came back in heaving this huge industrial strength containment device. The engineering that must've gone into this thing is worthy of a Nobel Prize. I thought surely she must've grabbed the wrong size. But as she took a deep breath, heaved 'em up, strapped ‘em in, and finally exhaled in relief, I realized she was right on. This lady knows boobs. And I do look better in my clothes now.
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